i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
