I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
