I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
