It's like God shit irony all over that family
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just want to make out with him forever
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
