I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
