On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
