what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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