White coat. Heels.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
