just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
