hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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