Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
