Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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