five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
