i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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