I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
