Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
