whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
