Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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