i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
