So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
