no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
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On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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