Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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