It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
As shirtless as possible
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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