there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
