you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
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Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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