You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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