i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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