I want to walk on stilts...naked
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
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Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
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Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.