idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption