you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
