i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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