just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
