Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I want to be your penis for a week.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
