Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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