some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
