i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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