I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
