Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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