you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
