I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
