Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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