Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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