part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
