hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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