My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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