I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
