you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
