i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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