bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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