Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
