Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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