remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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