too bad you live with your parents still
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
