How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
