i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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