we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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