im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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