in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
