My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this will be a night to untag.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
