Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
