How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
we should paint friendship bongs
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