it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
