So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
