Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
