It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
