There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
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I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
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