Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
