Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
