Can Purell be used as lube?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
