ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
