Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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