i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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